Ever hear that song that just gets you so pumped you feel like you could take on the world (or at least win a game of Risk in less than 7 hours)? If I were to try a hostile takeover of the globe, I would most certainly need a good soundtrack. Ergo, this compilation of epic and coup-worthy tracks.
Run Away by Sunstroke Project and Olia
I would start my takeover in Moldova, mostly so that I could have this band, the spinning violinist, and that sax guy doing the music for the highlight reels of how I take over all the other countries.
Helms Deep by Howard Shore (Lord of the Rings: Two Towers)
As my armies grew, I would move my forces across the Pacific, taking New Zealand and Australia. After the initial shock of the invasion, citizens would reluctantly raise the white flag of peace and we would write up treaties that give me rights to all of their lands, laws, and resources (Flight of the Concords and kangaroos).
Elk Hunt by Trevor Jones and Randy Edelman (Last of the Mohicans)
Lest the world believe that my conquests and music tastes have any correlation, I would make my move out of Moldova into Southern Europe to the enviable background track “Elk Hunt” and move west until I had conquered France.
I would move further west, crossing the Atlantic, to the Pirates of the Caribbean Soundtrack. The whole thing. I don’t think I need to explain that one. Onward to conquer the Americas!
O Fortuna by Carl Orff
While the world is concerned and distracted with an almost literal wave of pirates crossing the Atlantic, the powerful and majestic stylings of Carl Orff would welcome my invasion of Northern Europe. From Germany to Finland, I’d be unstoppable.
Cry Thunder by DragonForce
I would summon the power of Thor, Odin, and all the Norse gods (except for Loki, he’s kind of a dirtbag) in order to have all of Norway and Sweden at my feet. I’m fairly certain that DragonForce’s lead guitarists can actually open a portal to ValHalla and wield Mjölnir.
Imperial March by John Williams (Darth Vader’s Theme)
I’m no fool, and I know not to get caught up in a land war in Russia. I would attack the Mother-Land from space, and John Williams would herald my victory in all it’s glory and enviableness.
Ride of the Valkyries by Richard Wagner
Wagner would sound my entry into the Americas, and winged horses would sail down from the heavens to join the aforementioned pirates on the east coasts of North and South America. I wouldn’t give dead Hitler the satisfaction of conquering Europe while playing his favorite song.
Too Close by Alex Clare
I’m perfectly okay with dubstep announcing my entrance into Asia. I would cripple China and Japan’s internet infrastructure by forcing them to use Internet Explorer. I would also use China’s powerful firewalls to make it impossible to download any other browser. They would have no idea I was there, and using IE9, they’d never find out.
Mars, Bringer of War by Gustav Holst (Planets Suite)
My winged horses, their Valkyries, the pirates, and Mars, the Roman God of War, would traverse the Americas and lay waste to any and all resistance.
Mombasa by Hans Zimmer (Inception)
I would come into Africa through Morocco and make my sweep southward. I’m sure that the rest of the Inception soundtrack would come in handy during my continental conquest.
Prologue by John Williams (War of the Worlds Soundtrack)
If you have an opportunity for Morgan Freeman to say anything about your “empire over this world” you take it. If what he says implies that there are hostile extraterrestrials who view our planet with “envious” eyes, well…
E.T. by Katy Perry (KATFYR Remix)
Okay, this one’s not for the takeover, but if alien species get jealous about my having dominated a planet, they may try to take my world from me. This is the defense track.
What would your hostile takeover soundtrack be?