This is me as a child, or a pup, as some would say.  I always wanted to be big and strong like the rest of the pack, so I made sure to start every day with the most important meal, breakfast.




Last year, I discovered time-travel and I journeyed to the future to meet myself. Traumatized by what I found, I tried to rip the seams of the fabric of time and restitch it however I wanted. Needless to say, time was not terribly happy about that, and science left me here in the present, knowing that someday, somehow…this will be me.



This is a caped spatula named Brian answering the phone.



I’ll leave it up to you, reader, to identify the contents of this shopping cart. If you can guess the store I’m shopping at, you win a prize. (Yes, those are elephant tusks.)


Two truths and a lie: Ready? Go!

1. I’m wearing a suit made entirely of duct tape.
2. My underwear is made of duct tape too.
3. I’m crowd surfing at my high school Prom.



For a more scenic route, turn north… or south? We’re not really sure what you’ll find if you turn to the right.