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This is me as a child, or a pup, as some would say.  I always wanted to be big and strong like the rest of the pack, so I made sure to start every day with the most important meal, breakfast.

 

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Last year, I discovered time-travel and I journeyed to the future to meet myself. Traumatized by what I found, I tried to rip the seams of the fabric of time and restitch it however I wanted. Needless to say, time was not terribly happy about that, and science left me here in the present, knowing that someday, somehow…this will be me.

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This is a caped spatula named Brian answering the phone.

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I’ll leave it up to you, reader, to identify the contents of this shopping cart. If you can guess the store I’m shopping at, you win a prize. (Yes, those are elephant tusks.)

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Two truths and a lie: Ready? Go!

1. I’m wearing a suit made entirely of duct tape.
2. My underwear is made of duct tape too.
3. I’m crowd surfing at my high school Prom.

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For a more scenic route, turn north… or south? We’re not really sure what you’ll find if you turn to the right.

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