Miley Cyrus’s uproar of a performance (?) was quickly followed up by a music video where she was portrayed singing about what may have been the first and worst breakup of her life. Lots of heartfelt (though in my opinion, immature and teen-like) emotion and camera shots directly aimed at Cyrus’s emotional face. Blue eyes. Red lipstick. And tears. That was the intended focus of the music video. While entranced by the moving lyrics about coming into someone’s life like a wrecking ball because “All you ever did was wreck me”, some fans may not have noticed that in the background Cyrus was caught on camera licking a sledgehammer and swinging nude on a wrecking ball. They may not have noticed Nicolas Cage’s presence either.
Nudity does seem to garner attention (especially when coupled with football, water towers, or the homeless), so here are some suggestions for future music videos.
Naked Construction: The Album
A song about how a person can be the foundation you stand on and the hard work that goes into laying said foundations.
Music video involves nudes laying tile and hardwood floor.
Angry breakup song about how “You didn’t do jack for me” and how you “Jacked up my life”. Frequent references to jackhammers breaking up the foundations laid in previous songs.
Music video involves waivers, safety equipment and zero liability.
Song about how “you and I are like concrete mix, just add water and we’re sure to stick” and other cliché construction metaphors for love.
Music video involves concrete mixing while in the nude. Can be censored using concrete on the body, but may lead to legal complications. Do not try at home (mixing concrete in the nude or censoring yourself with concrete).
Love song about how a lover can be like a hard hat, protecting one from harm, even if the rest of the body is left vulnerable.
Music video involves falling objects and waivers.
Other songs with construction themes and liability-ridden music videos
Other singles include
Cover of “I Need You like a Fish Needs a Bicycle”
Song about how much a woman needs a man being compared to a fish needing a bicycle.
Music video involves the bottom half of a mermaid costume and both halves of a bicycle.
“How Deep I Am”
A song about emotional trauma running as deep as the ocean.
Music video involves nude scuba divers.
Breakup song about how the heart of the person who left must be colder than ice, but how the singer would brave all the ice in the world to get that heart back.
Music video filmed in Antartica features Emperor penguins, frostbite, and sled dogs.
Get out there and knock ’em dead Miley. Or don’t.
Actually, just don’t.