Last night I dreamed that I was being attacked by food, a flying slice of pizza to be specific. I also had superhuman strength and the ability to heave large amounts of giant food through the window for movie night. This was all well and good until the dwarves/gnomes started to attack me with their battle axes, daggers and pumpkins.

I woke up and thought back through the traumatic events of the night, relieved that none of it had actually happened. I’ll be making a compilation of more dreams that keep me relieved that they were nothing more. Comment or reply if you’ve had a dream you were later glad wasn’t real.


Faceless velociraptors
Have you ever seen Gremlins? There’s a scene where the mischievous mutants who multiply in water find the community pool. I had a nightmare once that started off a bit like that scene, just that I had found a pool full of giant slimy eggs. They had an eerie green glow to them and when they started hatching, 4-foot-tall velociraptors started coming out. Except these monsters were more alien than dinosaurs. They had no faces. Take an egg. I mean an evil egg, and crack it near the bottom, so you have a jagged edge that looks like Jack-o-lantern teeth. The rest is still smooth though. Now tilt that back until it’s at the angle that would roughly match a velociraptor or alien monster’s head, and put it on a vicious dinosaur’s body.

I began to run as the terrors from the deep end pursued me through the streets of downtown. The humorous side of my subconscious did decide to cut to 25 years in the future, where I was still fighting dinosaurs, albeit larger demons, with ammo belts strapped across my chest and machine guns in each of my massive hands. The camera zooms out and we see that all of the action is actually on late-night TV, and there’s an overweight man in a stained white t-shirt who says “ehh, it’s a rerun,” and turns the TV (and my dream) off.

Why I’m glad this one wasn’t real: I was the overweight man in a stained white T watching late-nite reruns of bad action films alone in a dingy apartment.