I saw this post on somebody’s facebook earlier today, a post for returned missionaries about ways to get people to be interested in dating you, and I couldn’t help but notice that it was… lacking something. In case you skipped the link, or even if you clicked it, here’s what I think of the 8 things they mentioned.
1. Be Fun and Play
This is important. I think playing is an effective way to get people out of their shell and show a little of who they really are. And y’know, the definition of play is kinda loose. Playing for one could mean board games, while for another it could mean coloring books and story time. Playing could also mean competing in a Stock Market Game. It’s all up to the individual. I think the flaw in the article is that they say that a pie fight is the thing to do, and they fail to give any other examples of play. Pie fights are not the only way to win a girl’s heart, especially if you don’t like pie fights, and neither does she.
2. Be Around Them a Lot
I again agree with this. It’s important to spend time with girls you are interested in. If they are interested in you, your company will be very welcomed. If they are on the fence about whether or not they’re interested, maybe that game night you invited them to, or that short visit just to see how they’re doing, might tip the scales in your favor. If they don’t like you though, I wouldn’t push it. No, really. Just find someone else.
The article I read mentions Rebecca Black’s Friday, and how listening to it multiple times made the song move from annoying and unbearable to kinda catchy and worth listening to on his own time. Bad comparison, man. Anyone reading, NEVER compare yourself to Rebecca Black’s Friday.
3. Show Respect for Others (with them)
I’m all for showing respect; ladies love that stuff, especially when it’s sincere. Men, don’t fake this unless you’re trying the fake-it-till-you-make-it route. Genuine respect is an attractive quality to have. I asked my wife if women look for that in a man, and she emphatically replied, “YES”. However, one thing the author of the article missed the mark on is: show respect for others while with them. It speaks volumes more for your character if you show respect for others whether or not your lady friend is around. I always say, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but the way to a woman’s heart is through her friends. If you respect her roommates, she will hear about it while you’re not there. If you respect her neighbors, she’ll hear about it when you’re not there. If you respect your family, she’ll hear about it if/when she meets them. Don’t limit yourself to respecting others only when around that special someone. The article’s right about respect being a building block of trust, but respect is an all-the-time thing, or at least it should be.
4. Like yourself
This is a great practice to have. If you need the approval of others in order to feel good about yourself, a girlfriend is going to get tired of that real fast. Like yourself. I agree with the article.
5. Let Them Give to You
The article nails this one, too. I like that he points out: helping and serving others boosts self-esteem and self-worth. Letting someone help you will boost her self-esteem. She’ll feel better about herself, and she’ll remember that she felt that way around you. Don’t be a lazy slob. Duh. But let her help if you need something. Also, don’t be afraid to lean on a girl for emotional support. Girls are great at giving in the emotion department, and I’m sure that most girls out there would be very willing to help a man through a hard time. Going through hard times together also brings those people closer together.
6. Be Happy on Your Own
My wife and I can both attest to this one. We’d been through more than a handful of relationships and pseudo-relationships, and we both came to the same conclusion around the same time: If my happiness doesn’t depend on whether or not I’m in a relationship, then I can be happy and single or happy and dating someone. Also, I can be happy while going on casual dates and meeting more people. I think that’s one of the things that attracted us to one another. We were going to be happy on our own, or be happy together. You can guess what the preferred choice was.
7. Possess Reverence
This is generally a religious thing, but I think even outside of religion it’s important to have the ability to revere that which is powerful and sublime. Science is an amazing thing, we should have reverence for it. Great music is a powerful thing, we should have reverence for it. We should show reverence in our own way also. For some, reverence is always quiet. That’s great! For some, reverence looks like geeking out. That’s great too! Whatever your form of revering that which is higher than yourself, stick to it, it’s yours.
As far as dating and attractiveness, I believe that you will show more about who you really are deep down by being in awe of something or recognizing the worth of something else than you will by talking about yourself, your hobbies, and the color of your toothbrush.
8. Be a True Friend
I’m totally on board with this one. My wife is my best friend, and she knows that! I’m her best friend and I know that. One of the things that most attracted us to one another was friendship. What I’m about to say should not be misconstrued; I’m not about to say don’t be a friend.
Here goes: Dating is not based on friendship, it’s based on courtship. They can intertwine and happen at the same time, it’s true, and I’ve heard a thousand and one stories about people marrying their best friend. I’m not saying don’t date your friends.
However, if a man makes sure to point out that he and a girl are friends, and if he puts effort into a friendship, and if he repeatedly refers to the girl as his friend, then she will assume that she is just that: a friend. She will subsequently put effort into a friendship, and probably date other guys who are asking her out on dates. Then she’ll complain to you about how the date went and how there aren’t any good guys that will take her on dates, but tell you how good of a friend you are. I’m not decrying the value of friendship, but if you want to date a girl…then date a girl.
That’s what the article had to offer, and here’s my two cents.
9. Be yourself, your best self
Don’t build a relationship of any kind (family, friends, romance, etc.) on lies. Be yourself! If the real you is ugly and dark and hates people, you might want to work on that, hence the idea of being your best self. Develop your talents, that’s attractive. Let down your walls and let a girl see who you are, what you strive to be and become, and what is hard for you, that’s attractive. Being yourself and letting down barriers helps others feel more confident in being themselves, and that makes everyone more attractive.
Also, once you’re married, the lies won’t stand. “Hold on, I have to brush my teeth!” you might say before a date or hanging out with a girl. “Where’s my toothbrush? I haven’t seen it for a couple days!” is something that a spouse will hear. I could go on, but I won’t. I’m sure you get the idea.
10. Ask girls on dates
I think this one is of utmost importance. You can do all of the other stuff above, but if you don’t ask anyone on dates, you won’t go on many dates. And I mean specifically. “Want to come over and watch a movie with some friends?” is not a way to ask a girl on a date. “Would you like go on a date on Friday? We could see a movie and maybe play some MarioKart after” is a way to ask a girl on a date.
SHE NEEDS TO KNOW IT’S A DATE FOR IT TO BE A DATE. USE THE WORD “DATE”. I’m not kidding.
Take the advice or leave it, it worked for me.